The Mechanical Fiend continued to question me. I tell him that we are out of units, we were wiped out and aren't expecting anymore for at least a week, if ever.
Customer: When did you last have them?
Me: About four days ago sir, we've be out since
He ponders this for a moment, his face contorts with strained thought.
Customer: Are there any other stores in the area?
I list of the number of stores in the area which seem more than what would be an appropriate number given he population. He asks for the list again, I tell him again. We do this dance one more time before I make a power move, a move that will guarantee leverage over him and the balance of power in this confrontation will tip in my favor and I will get out of here on time, my vest begins to burn, my body can only withstand it touching me for so long.
I look up our inventory on Lowe's sleek 1980's database. Lowe's will never update anything, the owner of Lowe's, whoever he is would rather be encased in cement at a random store than allot money towards updates. With this irrefutable proof I present with him my findings: that no other store has one, any A/C unit.
Customer: Call that one store
I have to leave my desk in the department to retrieve the number. I return and he is not happy.
Customer: Where did you go, Red Vest Man?
Me: I had to get the number
Customer: You had to get the number again?
I refuse to argue the fact that it was the first and only time I went to get the number. He points at one of the stores on the screen. I sigh and call. I speak to an associate at the other store and inquire to whether they have an A/C unit or not. He laughs at me and hangs up. I feign an extended conversation with the dial tone and then hang up.
Me: They are out, sir
Customer:...What are the other stores in the area?
My brain has imploded and I see red. Is he screwing with me? Is he trying to catch me up in a lie and reveal the truth that we have hidden, in the back, hundreds of A/C units like the warehouse in Indiana Jones? Finally, Ron, the guy coming in to relieve me arrives. The customer asks him and Ron viciously dampers the man's resolve with far off projected delivery dates and a no hope for the world speech. I unzip my vest right in front of him as he asks me to look up which store's have an A/C unit. I throw the vest over my shoulder. It's the endgame and he knows it,
Me: You have a GREAT DAY sir
He balls his fist and tucks it under his chin without replying and just nods.
What adventure await Red Vest Man? Only time will tell. What fiendish foes await? Will that customer service girl ever say yes? Red Vest Man will return!
P.S.: That customer service girl did say yes and three and a half years later we're engaged. We found love in a hopeless place.
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