This next story is a throw back that I feel needs sharing before the end of the semester and is a shameless attempt to garner pity points. I once worked for Lowes right when I got out of the Navy, instead of taking some time off and go on a vacation, I sought out employment merely two weeks after being discharged. I worked for a period of time at another Lowe's in a desperate part of my area where the normal rules of human behavior and dignity do not apply.
That Summer after my discharge and a few months of work at Lowe's a terrible and insufferable heat wave struck our region without warning. I know what you're thinking: Well duh, of course it's hot in the Summer. You then, must not have lived where I did. A tragic heat wave wiped out our supply of window A/C units and portable A/C's. regardless, throngs of hopefuls still scavenge up and down the narrow aisle in hopes of finding a random A/C tucked into a corner of a shelf. These are the people who didn't think that a Summer could possibly be hot but lo and behold, they are somehow wrong, their prediction for a cold Summer proved incorrect and they find themselves overheated and frustrated when staring at the barren shelves.
I took great delight in crushing them, "Nope, we're all out!" I would announce when questioned. My normal scowl transforms into a devilish grin when I see someone straggle into the A/C aisle. I will follow like a predator following a sickly water buffalo left by the herd. Then, when they turn to ask me, I pounce with my friendly customer service which delivers horrid and depressing news. Their heads angle downwards and they shuffle out of the aisle, back to their sweltering homes.
Suddenly, as I patrolled past the empty shelves an electric hum caught my ear. I could not discern its origin but it grew louder and louder. Where was it coming from? I peeked around the aisles and still the hum grew louder. I backed out of the aisle and the hum had become a roar behind me and I spun around and I am face to face with a portly man in one of our mobility scooters that are meant for handicapped people to utilize but I suspect he isn't handicapped, just fat and lazy, having just waddled into the store and plopped into one of the scooters, I can imagine the electric motor struggling and crying to press on with that incredible weight bearing down on it. The timing couldn't be any worse, he strikes at my weakest moment: fifteen moments before my shift ends. It is within this time that my powers are drained, my motivation shot, and my patience thin.
Customer: Hey Red Vest Man, you got any portable A/C's?
I do have a name tag on my vest, it is not obstructed in any way and the letters are clear and bold and say DAN. But I guess he can't or won't see this and has de-humanized me, I have a pet name and I don't even know him. I stare at him for a moment and that dramatic pause is a good opportunity to leave this on a cliffhanger for the sake of post brevity.
On the next thrilling post of Red Vest Man: Will Red Vest Man overcome this new and dangerous foe? Will he ever win the love of that one girl who works at the Customer Service Desk? Tune in next time!
No comments:
Post a Comment